How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
