He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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