how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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