my vag is so smooth its legendary
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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