I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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