Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
