This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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