Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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