He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
