just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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