I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize