It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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