Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize