dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
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you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
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I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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