dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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