Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
