Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
