We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
