i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
