Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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