I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
