Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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