Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
