I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
