Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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