I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
