Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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