I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
