she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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