I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
