She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
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I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
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So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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