so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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