i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
