i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
