Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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