i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
3 2 1 whiskey
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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