3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
