everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
