Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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