i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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