ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize