No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
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I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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