If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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