if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
