Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
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He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
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That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.