No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
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this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
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Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.