I'm jealous of your bromance
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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