I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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