in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
