Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize