so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
