This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
