He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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