We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
