what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
