I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Someone shit on the floor
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Who died my cat blue again?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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