She's JV to your varsity
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
