does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
