i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
