haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
