its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
