Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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