How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize