I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
