i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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