I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
