I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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