so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
how do flat chested girls get laid?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
