party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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