Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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