you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
