I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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