So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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