she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
