guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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