Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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