im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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