You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
