Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
sarcasm needs its own font
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
