Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
